Full Transcript

Sari 0:04
I'm Sari Kimbell and I've done just about everything in the food industry. I have helped hundreds of packaged food business entrepreneurs and now I want to help you make your delicious dream a reality. Whether you want to be successful at farmer's markets, online, or wholesale on the store shelves, Food Business Success is your secret ingredient. I will show you how to avoid an expensive hobby and instead run a profitable food business. Now let's jump in!

Sari 0:38
Hey there, welcome back to the podcast. Today we are talking about regret. Before you turn this off, you're like, I don't like talking about regret, that feels terrible. I want to offer that regret is actually a really powerful tool. And I want you to be able to harness this power and use it to actually make your life better and create the life that you really want. I heard a great podcast, it was a while ago with Brene Brown and Daniel Pink. And he's the author of The Power of Regret and how looking backwards moves us forward. And so that podcast had a lot of insights that kind of inspiring this podcast, but I recently got some coaching. Yes, I get coaching all the time. I love coaching. I love being coached, it helps me so much in my mental drama, which is why I love to coach you as well. But I was getting coached on some decisions that I was needing to make this summer and this fall so, and ultimately what we ended up doing was really powerful, the way looking at regret as a tool to help me make some decisions. So it was really powerful tool in that way. Okay, so I do want to just come back and talk about regret, and why we hate it so much. There is nothing that is going to snap you out of a great mood faster than conjuring up something that you regret, right? It is like an instant trigger that we could have be having the most amazing day and then somebody brings up something that we regret, and it just plummets us, right? Like, it can be a really powerful negative emotion. And people don't like to go there. And I totally understand why. I have certainly swam in the pools of regret myself. But we all do. We all have regrets, everybody does. And what was super fascinating is, Daniel Pink did this study that was like, hundreds of thousands of people, many thousands of people, maybe not that many. It was like in the tens of thousands. Took this survey, and everybody has regrets. So let's just start there, that we all have regrets. And this is a very human thing. And you know, regrets can range widely. It could be over a tiny little things. Oftentimes we have regret about kindness that went unsaid, which I thought was very interesting that that was actually a really big one like that you fail to help somebody or offer a kind word or offer kind deed in the moment, and that you wish you could have, you know, taken that back and done it differently. But the reality is, we all have it. And we can either try to shut it down and avoid it, and react, and reject it, and like la la la, it's not there.

Sari 4:09
Or we can just recognize that we all have regrets, that this is a normal human emotion of being a human. We're gonna have all the feelings, all 50-50 of life, the good and the bad. And really, everything is there to teach us and to guide us and to help us make better decisions in the future. But I do think it's really interesting that research shows that people regret the things that they did not do much more than the things that they did do. Even if those things turned out badly. They still regretted that less than the things they did not do. So I would be remiss to kind of give you a little nudge here that if you really want to start this business, if you have been thinking about it, I talked with people, I had a call with somebody this week that he's been following me for two years, like listening to podcasts, all the YouTube things. Alex hasn't started it yet, or is thinking about starting it with me. But still, it's like I talked with other people have said, I've been thinking about doing this for 10 years for longer than that sometimes, like regret, this is where you want to use regret for you is like, do you want to look back on your deathbed and think I wish I would have done that, I wish I would have at least given it a shot. The main thing, the thing we most regret is the failure to live up to our potential, to our ideal selves. And if you've been thinking about starting a business, I promise you if you do not do this, you will most likely look back on it with some amount of regret, like I wish I would have, I should have gave it a shot, I should have tried it. So it is the failure of boldness, Daniel calls it in his book, where we have failed to be bold, right? Take a big action, take a risk. And ultimately, we end up living smaller lives because of it. But we're not going to beat ourselves up about it, it happens. There are definitely, I have regrets of failures of boldness in my life a hundred percent. But I was actually using that to help make some decisions that I needed to make. So I want to just share with you what that looked like and how you might be able to turn regret around. The main thing though is when regret comes up because it is such a negative emotion. I like to help my clients process emotion. It's a really powerful when it comes up, when my clients come that day on their call and they're really having a tough time especially usually we're processing negative emotion, not positive, but having a really tough time. And so we just pause, and we actually check in and we notice the emotion. So instead of just spinning around in our head with regret, we want to actually just pause for a second and say, what does it feel like? And the more we can lean into it and recognize that what is an emotion, it is a vibration in our body. And yeah, it can sometimes feel terrible. Regret feels kind of like a sucker punch in my gut, it feels kind of queasy, it feels tight. Right? I even get a little bit of heat from it. It's very, somewhat similar to shame. And regret likes to live in the shadows. It likes you to not talk about it with other people. It's very similar I think to shame, maybe not quite as intense, but in that family.

Sari 8:24
And so just recognizing like, oh, okay, that's regret. Take a breath. I can handle regret. Like just telling yourself even that, like this is regret. It's a vibration in my body, I can handle regret. We really want to treat ourselves with kindness, compassion, curiosity, instead of contempt and self loathing. Because we cannot change the past. I wish we could but a 100%, you're gonna go back and change that you did not go on that study abroad, or you did not introduce yourself to that person that you thought was really cute in that train station, or that you should have bought Bitcoin? I actually had a conversation with my ex husband in like 2006 about buying Bitcoin and we did not. I cannot go back and change that, right? Like those things are done. But I can give myself compassion and not beat myself up about it. It's there, it's happened. But what can I do to learn from it? How can I learn and grow and adapt and make new choices because of that regret? How can it be my teacher? Brene Brown in that podcast talked about regret being a very fair, but tough teacher, right? It does not discriminate, we all have regret. But it is ultimately the teacher that holds you to a very high standard that if you go through it, you will learn from it and you can make your life better.

Sari 10:19
Okay, so let's talk about how I actually used regret as a way to make a decision. So I have these trips, I went to Sonoma with a girlfriend a couple weeks ago. And then I had a trip, tentatively planned for July, and then another one in August for my birthday. And then I have two retreats in the fall two business coaching retreats, and then I had an opportunity for another retreat. That was one that I said to myself, if a space opens up on this, I'm going, like it's happening. And then when the space did open up, like two weeks, a week and a half out from the event, I was having all sorts of doubts about it, right? So use any example that you want, it could be you starting your business, like you're thinking about, should I do this, and you have some decisions to make. I was looking at all of these, and I was like, this is gonna be expensive. Like I'm having thoughts about money, right? Like, I sat down, instead of having it all spin around in my brain freaking me out, I wrote it all down and said, okay, if I do all of these things, here's what it's gonna cost. And I was like, that's a lot of money. It is. And I kind of had to work on separating out, you know, some of my fears, and all the things that were coming up for me, like, it's not that I don't have the money, right? But I was going to all this worst case scenario. So that's the first thing is that when you have these decisions to make when you're wanting to make decisions about your future, as you look at your options, go there, go to the worst case scenario. Right? And so with this coach, she and I went to like, the worst case scenario, right? Like, I spend this money, and then there's a recession, and nobody comes and nobody's starting a business. And it's just all gonna fall apart, right? And I mean, worst worst case scenario, I, you guys know, this, right? I, I lose my condo, and I end up in a van down by the river, or in my mom's basement, one of those two things. And so I really like went there, right? And if we're going to give airtime to that, we also want to give airtime to the best case scenario. And so I looked at each one of these sort of independently but also as a whole. And I said, okay, what's the best case scenario? Like to me, missing out, like not doing some of these business retreats are, I mean, I have no way of predicting the future. But I like to think about what if this retreat is one of those things that like, unlock something in me, that starts me on a whole new path, that really energizes me and it is the thing that really helps me grow my business this year and into future years, right? It has a compounding effect. So to me, I look at those things as very necessary for my professional and personal growth. And I highly, highly value that. So I looked at, you know, best case scenario, like what if I did all of it? And I said, yeah, I have the money, more money is coming. It actually helps me grow my business, it helps me with new mindset, it helps me with new strategies, and I can like go out there and just light it up, right? And I attract more people to come work with me and to sign up with me on Food Business Success or work with me one-on-one in coaching. So I was forced myself because we don't tend to want to go to the positive, we always want to go to the worst case scenario but like say it out loud to somebody, write it down and look at like, best case, worst case, right? Like really go there. And then let's look at reality too, right? Like what's most likely? You know, most likely it's not that I'm going to end up in a van down by a river. And all of that kind of doom and gloom, right? It's very unlikely even as I said it out loud to her. I was like, I mean, with inflation and everything going on, like, literally, people could stop starting businesses. And then my whole business implodes, because that's what I do is help people start food businesses. And even saying out loud, I was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen. Like zero people in the entire United States start a business, right? And even if that was true, I have so much faith in myself that I can figure it out, that I can pivot. And these things are temporary, yes, we're gonna have moments right, of like some high stress and things are gonna, we're gonna have uncertainty and those kinds of things, of course, but if my life over the last 46 years has taught me anything, that everything is temporary, including recessions, including inflation, including pandemics, right? All of it is temporary. So as we kind of went, worst case, best case scenario, and then I renewed my commitment to myself, that no matter what decision I made, I would have my own back, no matter what. So again, we're going back to the very beginning, where I said, research shows that people regret the things that they didn't do more than they regret the things that they did do even if they turned out badly.

Sari 16:56
But even if it does turn out badly, I am committing right here and right now that I will not beat myself up. And really, that is the power of regret in a negative way is because we are so worried about regretting something because we are going to constantly beat ourselves up. Like do you have that one thing that daily, or weekly, or monthly kind of sits in the back your mind like if I have I just done that thing? If I just bought that Bitcoin, ah, actually, that one does come up somewhat frequently for me. And it's because like, the thing that's going to happen is that I'm going to make myself feel terrible, right? And so we're so worried about regret. And if we just make commitment to ourselves that whatever decision I make, I am, even if I do feel some regret, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to have compassion. I'm going to have curiosity and kindness to myself. So then from there, we were able to say, okay, looking at future Sari, right? So you think you're like, maybe I should start this business? Maybe I should join Sari and get help from her. If you go forward, project yourself into six months from now, or a year from now. You think about okay, future self, future you, are you going to regret taking this chance? Doing an act of boldness, right? Doing something that is a little risky that yeah, you are, you're putting some money behind it, you are making an investment of your time. And you're gonna do something that's a little bold, which is the point of life, that is where we feel the most alive, right? Now, I looked at, am I making, you know, do I have the money, right? I have to say, like, okay, and if I don't have the money, am I going to borrow the money somehow? Like, I need to look at all my options. Like let's be realistic about it. I'm not in any way advocating that you just run off cliffs and you're like, yeah, it'll be fine. No, be realistic. Like, look at the options. Look at the money. Look at the time, be realistic, but if I want to be the person who starts a packaged food business, six years, sorry, six months from now, not gonna take six years, some of you might take six years because you have been putting it off for so long but six months from now, you absolutely can have a packaged food business. You can be launched and selling your business, your product, right? So, six months from now, if you fast forward to you then and you turn around kind of visually and you say, hmm, did I regret that? Right? I look back and say, you know, would I six months from now regret doing that? And it was a hard no, like, I have never once regretted going on a retreat. And I've been on some nice retreats. I have always, always, always appreciated and got so much more than my money that I actually spent in coaching and in retreats. The value I get back is like 10 times the amount that I spend. So I have never ever regretted doing a retreat.

Sari 21:08
So I looked at the one that had come up and I was like, yeah, I'm doing it. Like I said I would, I have the money, I'm going to go all in on this. And I am going to have my own back. And then I looked at some of the other trips and I decided not to do the one in July that was with a friend. But I did decide it was important to do this meditation retreat in August around my birthday with my mom. So I just said, no future Sari would not regret these things. And so I just made the decision. Because I do not want to look back on my life with regret. A friend coach of mine did an exercise with me at a retreat where we were kind of talking about something similar along these lines. And he said, you know, how old are you? How old do you think you want to live to like quality of life years. And I think I told him I can't remember exactly now, but I have a number. So let's just say it's like 85 that was like quality life. 85 subtract your age, and then multiply that by 365. So every day, I have a countdown reminder on my phone that says, let's see today was 13,669 days left. Like, you want to give yourself some perspective on your life and how long you have on this precious earth. Like, we're just spinning around in space and things are happening, right? Like we're in this on this tiny planet, in this giant galaxy. And things are just happening in our world. But if you give yourself a little perspective on how much time you really have left, like he showed me that number, and I was like, what? That's not that long. And now every day I see it tick down. It's not a morbid thing. It's a, it gives me appreciation. It says whoa, today matters. I'm going to make this one count, I'm going to take bold action, I'm going to make decisions, I am going to make requests and offers and do hard things and be productive. And I got off on a little bit of a tangent, but it is related to regret because I only have 13,000 when I say 669 days left spinning around on this planet, and I want to make every one count. And if I look back at the decisions I've made, it's easy to be like this all or nothing that it's all going to be terrible or it's all going to be great. And that just isn't the way it is. Like we can redecide, you know, I can always, I can go to this retreat and then I can always reevaluate, right? There's not much that's actually set in stone. But for now, I use the power of regret to say will I regret this if I don't go? And the answer was yes. I would regret this if I did not go and not out of a like FOMO way, you want to check in with yourself, right? Because, you know Fear Of Missing Out is real. So don't do things out of FOMO, absolutely not, check in and say is this something like, take everybody out of it, right? Like oh, I have other coach friends going to this thing? Is it just because I'm scared of missing out and they're, you know, I don't want to see their posts about it because I'll feel bad about myself. No, that's not what it was. It was like a real solid gut check of like, no, this is for me, this is what I want to do. And I would regret not doing this. So I do not want you to have any regrets about not trying this, not giving it a shot. So hopefully some piece of this is helpful, whether it's however many days left you have spinning on this planet, and that things never really work out as terrible as our brain catastrophize is it to be, we always can figure it out, always, always, always. I really believe that. Take a look and go worst case scenario and best case scenario, and then kind of what the reality is, like what's most likely to happen, you got to give it equal airtime.

Sari 25:57
And then think about the regrets you have in the past and learn from them, they are your biggest teacher, say I don't want to have future regrets about that, just because I did it back then. And I, I didn't make that bold move and take that bold action, doesn't mean that's my future. My past does not have to define my future, I can make different choices. And ultimately, Dan says that regret improves decisions, it also raises performance, that when you have kind of a fear of regret of like, not performing as well as you could, that you're actually going to up your performance. So even vicariously, we can have like vicarious regret, like we see somebody else who maybe didn't put in the time or the effort into something and not do as well as they could. And we can be like, oh, I don't want that to be me. So I'm going to put that effort and time in to that same thing or something similar. And then the other thing regret does is it can really help deepen the meaning and the value in our life. It can help us clarify purpose. I like to say, you know, we get a lot of clarity through contrast, we sift and we sort through contrast to say, what do I want and what do I not want? Getting the thing you didn't want really helps give you a lot of clarity on what you do want. So when you have regret about the past, you can say, okay, why did I have regret? What there's no problem here like it happens, everybody has regret. But I don't want to repeat that. I don't want to bring that into my future. So you have an opportunity friends to not regret this piece of your life. I really would love to support you and help you on your journey to make it faster, to make it feel more supportive, to give you the tools and all the insider information to help you skip the line in so many ways. And at least give yourself a shot. I promise you, you will not regret giving yourself a shot even if it does not turn out the way you hoped. You will not regret that as much as if you never tried at all. All right, until next time, have an amazing week!

Sari 28:30
Are you ready to start that delicious idea that you make in your home kitchen or grow your existing packaged food business and take it to the next level? The most successful food business entrepreneurs have support, guidance, focus and accountability to help them make it happen quickly without wasting time or money. Plus, I think starting your packaged food business should actually be fun. Food Business Success is your secret ingredient to creating your food business dream. Please don't go this alone. Check out the private free Food Business Success Facebook group to connect with other foodpreneurs. Get your questions answered quickly. Share your wins and receive special training and tools I only share inside the private community. Just search for Food Business Success on Facebook, or get the link in the show notes. Curious about how Food Business Success can help you? Head over to foodbizsuccess.com and fill out the application to see if you're a great fit for the program. Together let's make your food business dream a reality.